So this morning, I received the quintessential " It's not you, it's me" break-up EMAIL. Yes, lovelies, I said email. I got an email because " I didn't want any problems such as you walking off or something like that".
*insert cricket noise here*
Lemme just start by saying that I am in NO way trying to portray that I was completely innocent - quite the contrary, actually. I have my ways that have driven even the strongest person to pick up the bottle and hold it close to their souls. I did my part in the demise of this "relationship". Mr. Noah Webster defines relationship as " a romantic or passionate attachment." - neither of with ( in retrospect) - we had. Don't get me wrong, people - I loved her...wait. I love her. Yet - love is not the glue that binds. There is also communication, trust, honesty, and a willingness to BEND. These, lovelies are the things that were non-existent on one or both ends. I'm not going to disclose who was lacking what, but you get the picture.
I find myself not sadden by the end - maybe that will hit me in the next week or so. Right now, I'm angry...filled to the brim with resentment. This is NOT our first go 'round, you see. We've danced to this song before...gotten lost in the crowd of life & some how found our way back to each others arms. 2nd, 3rd & 4th chances were given (on both ends) and now here we stand - on opposite ends of right & wrong...joy & pain...frustration & despair. I have searched my soul for a reason..something beyond the words I was fed. I am tried to talk myself out of jumping to conclusions that will & have driven me slightly mad. All in all, the only thing that has kept me focused IS my anger - because quiet as it's kept, I feel like I was played...and my brain & heart are NOT processing this well.
In the end, though - it's all probably for the best. I'm told that it's not good to just LOVE someone - you should actually LIKE them as well. Mr. Webster says like is "to be suitable agreeable to". If that's to be the definition... I don' t think we LIKED each other much *side eye* . I have to go back to the "10" rule - in 10 weeks, 10 mts & 10 yrs - NONE of what I'm feeling towards or for her will matter...right?
B. Scott said it best "sometimes you just have to enjoy people when you can... how you can." I loved her the best way I know how...the only way I know how....from the place that matters...and in the end, it wasn't enough.
*drops mic & walks away*
*insert cricket noise here*
Lemme just start by saying that I am in NO way trying to portray that I was completely innocent - quite the contrary, actually. I have my ways that have driven even the strongest person to pick up the bottle and hold it close to their souls. I did my part in the demise of this "relationship". Mr. Noah Webster defines relationship as " a romantic or passionate attachment." - neither of with ( in retrospect) - we had. Don't get me wrong, people - I loved her...wait. I love her. Yet - love is not the glue that binds. There is also communication, trust, honesty, and a willingness to BEND. These, lovelies are the things that were non-existent on one or both ends. I'm not going to disclose who was lacking what, but you get the picture.
I find myself not sadden by the end - maybe that will hit me in the next week or so. Right now, I'm angry...filled to the brim with resentment. This is NOT our first go 'round, you see. We've danced to this song before...gotten lost in the crowd of life & some how found our way back to each others arms. 2nd, 3rd & 4th chances were given (on both ends) and now here we stand - on opposite ends of right & wrong...joy & pain...frustration & despair. I have searched my soul for a reason..something beyond the words I was fed. I am tried to talk myself out of jumping to conclusions that will & have driven me slightly mad. All in all, the only thing that has kept me focused IS my anger - because quiet as it's kept, I feel like I was played...and my brain & heart are NOT processing this well.
In the end, though - it's all probably for the best. I'm told that it's not good to just LOVE someone - you should actually LIKE them as well. Mr. Webster says like is "to be suitable agreeable to". If that's to be the definition... I don' t think we LIKED each other much *side eye* . I have to go back to the "10" rule - in 10 weeks, 10 mts & 10 yrs - NONE of what I'm feeling towards or for her will matter...right?
B. Scott said it best "sometimes you just have to enjoy people when you can... how you can." I loved her the best way I know how...the only way I know how....from the place that matters...and in the end, it wasn't enough.
*drops mic & walks away*
This was very well written. You don't sound bitter at all. Maybe you need to sip from my rotten punch bowl & throw up swear words. LOL well, it makes me feel better. All & all I'm proud of you for dealing with this very maturely & not letting what happen ruin your look on life & everything else. We all know the saying, it's better to love & lost, then to never love at all. And it's true. You know how you felt, so does HE. (As in God.)
ReplyDeleteIts amazing I swear I feel like you are one of my exgirlfriends, its weird reading it from someone I havent been with but these words have been said (in a different way) to me before....I wish you all the best, I really do. i am not a strong believer in relationships or love (you know im a virgo lol) but all in all you know God has a plan. Take care
ReplyDelete